As pastors’ wives, we know that our husbands belong to the church and not just our families. But it takes some getting used to. With small children, even the most ordinary events are difficult without help, and yet we have to learn to “go it alone.”
I’m still learning
Last week, for example, Covenant Life was having an all-church picnic after the service. My husband, Mike, needed to run the games for the kids, and I would be on my own with our two little girls (Caly and MJ, ages 3 and 1).
No problem, I thought. Lunch is provided. I’ll just throw the girls in the double stroller and enjoy some fellowship. Ha!
After the meeting, I pushed the stroller onto the back lawn trying not to look at all the families who had daddy helping out. But the oppressive heat was hard to ignore (found out later it was the hottest day of the summer so far!) and I seemed to pick the slowest moving food line (of course!).
As I tried to talk to the guest standing next to me in line, crying began in the stroller. I leaned down to reassure the kids that we would get our food soon. I tried to keep talking to the guest. The kids kept crying. The line still wasn’t moving.
We eventually reached the front only to find out: “no more hot dogs.” We needed to wait for the next batch to cook. More crying from the stroller and I began to sweat in earnest, all the while trying to look happy, cool, relaxed.
When our food was ready I juggled hot dogs, drinks and chips and maneuvered the double stroller to the nearest seat.
“Where’s daddy?” Caly asked as we began to eat. “He’s playing with everyone else’s kids right now” I wanted to say. But I bit my tongue and tried to fellowship with the other church members at my table, all the while stuffing food into MJ's mouth to keep her from crying.
After one bite of hot dog Caly was ready for the park. The temperature was climbing as we trudged to the playground. I helped Caly use the equipment, tried to hold on to MJ who kept trying to dive out of my arms, and kicked myself for forgetting the sunscreen.
After a while, the heat, the crying, and my aching muscles won out. We went home.
Why did I even go? I wondered to myself later that afternoon. I didn’t have any profound ministry moments or evangelistic opportunities. The one guest I spoke to probably doesn’t remember our conversation. The church members we sat with at lunch are probably still laughing at us. Was that all just a grand waste of time?
No. When I stopped to think about it, many good reasons for "going it alone" at the church picnic came to mind. Here are three:
1. “Going it alone” shows my kids I love the church. It proves Daddy and Mommy really mean it when we tell them: “Sunday is the most important day of the week” and that’s true for all of us, not just Daddy. It shows them what it looks like to be committed to the church even when it is not convenient or easy. Sure, they may not understand that lesson now, but someday, by God’s grace, they will.
2. “Going it alone” shows the church I love the church. Whether we’re aware of it, or not, people are watching us. They notice when we attend and when we don’t. (Actually, sometimes, when my kids are screaming, they can’t help but notice I’m in attendance!) But simply by showing up at a picnic, the Sunday morning meeting, or any other church event, I am showing the people in the church that I care about them and that I want to be with them, even when it isn’t easy. And hopefully I’m encouraging them, (with actions, if not with words) to love the church too.
3. “Going it alone” shows I believe God is at work. God is always at work in the church! He’s always up to stuff—conforming us all to be more like His Son, building us together in unity, using our lives to display the gospel and using our words to preach the gospel. If I truly believe this then I’ll go expecting God to work, even through an overwhelmed mom with two crying, hungry children (and no sunscreen!).
I may not have thought anything profound took place at that picnic. But I may be surprised one day to learn that God was using me in ways I had no idea. So, was going it alone all a grand waste of time? Not a bit!
