by Tara Daukas
I enjoy hospitality. And I enjoy my young children. But it takes work to enjoy hospitality while having young children. Do the two really go together? Gone are the days of carefree cleaning and complicated meals. Now I’m apologizing to my guests for the cake that has a small bite in its side - a small boy snuck in an early, unapproved taste! Or come a little early and one might hear me remind my three year old that "No, it's not your birthday, and no you may not blow out the nice scented candle to make a wish!"
Recently, my husband and I have had the joy of planting a new church in Peoria, AZ. There’s no escaping hospitality when you’re hosting a 50+ church each week! Over the summer, I watched relationships and community grow, our church family pray together, worship together, take communion together and all in the presence of our home! It was truly my greatest joy to host Grace Church. But it took work. I could no longer hide things in my master bedroom because every room in our house got used. I had to learn to juggle the responsibilities of hosting while still being a mom to three young children. Most importantly, I had to carefully watch my heart for the signs of misplaced worship! In order to be ready for Sundays, I had to begin working backwards. Sundays don't start on Sundays - they begin with well thought out preparation throughout the week
1. Work backwards with house work
Recently, while our house was on the market my mother would come over and sit with the kids in the car while I, like a mad woman, would run around making our house look like kids did not live there. It worked and served it’s purpose but I think it’s important to remember that’s not the goal with hospitality. Preparing for hospitality doesn’t mean you make it look like you don’t live in your house. I’m not saying I don't move the sippy cup of spoiled milk off my couch as I invite a guest to sit down. But my goal is not perfection it’s faithfulness. Knowing a big group was coming on Sunday I would plan out my housework accordingly. For example I would begin Thursday with my laundry and have it put away by the end of Friday. I would clean & organize our bedrooms that got used for Children’s Ministry on Saturday as well as all the bathrooms but one, leaving that last one for a quick clean on Sunday. Depending on how much of your house gets used you can adjust this thought to fit your own schedule. I find not saving everything for an hour before our guests come is the best way to keep peace in my soul & for my children.
2. Work backwards preparing my children’s heart
Moms - you know how it works. All seems well in your house until you get on the phone, and then out of nowhere kids start screaming like the house is on fire! I have found it extremely helpful to prepare my kids hearts for guests coming to prevent that phone phenomena from happening. We’ll begin talking about the guests that are coming the day before. We’d talk about their toys (which are really not “their” toys at all) that will be used by other kids. I’ll teach them that when guests are over we need to seek to serve. I found their excitement grew in hosting after a few weeks of doing this. They’d want to make cards for their friends coming over and were the first to offer up sharing their special toys. Each kid was given special assignments to help prepare the house for church. It’s amazing how entertaining a Clorox bleach wipe is for a 3 yr old. My counters have never been so clean!
3. Work backwards preparing my own heart
Oh how easy hospitality with young children would be if I was Mary Poppins – practically perfect in every way! But inevitably, there’s always some situation that comes up where I’m tempted to sin. Spills on the carpet, unresponsive children, temptations to loneliness that the duties of hospitality can bring – all of these are challenges. During these summer months of hosting church I’ve kept 1 John 3 in the back of my mind. “The commandments of the Lord are not burdensome”. If hospitality without complaining is a command of the Lord, then surely it’s not a burden. It’s a beautiful reflection of the gospel. Jesus, the eternal Word of God, takes on flesh and dwells among us. He offered himself to strangers repeatedly through his ministry. Finally, he died in the place of sinners, so that we could enter into a relationship with God for all eternity. If hospitality is about providing for the cares of others, Jesus has displayed it most profoundly through his work on cross. The burden comes when I take the simply beautiful picture of gospel motivated hospitality and make it about bringing glory to myself. My house, my children, my desire to look like I have it all together can drive my service. No, I must surrender my glory so that the glory of Jesus can be known. There is so much more joy in using our material goods for Him! And it keeps hospitality from becoming a burden.
Finally there are those times when you simply cannot work backwards. You get the unexpected call like I did this week. There was a death within our dear little church and the family wondered if we could host the memorial within our home. There was little time to prepare, but plenty of time to call upon God for help. That night was such a beautiful picture of the church coming together to serve, grieve and watch God pour out his abundant grace in the midst of trials. Prepared or unprepared, hospitality gives us an awesome view of God's faithfulness and we are the ones who come away blessed!
