What’s the most important thing one can ever know about sinful judgment? (2 hints: it’s true of every sin, and last week’s post ended with it): we can be forgiven! Nothing I could ever say about sinful judgment is more important than God’s answer for sinful judgment—the cross of Christ. And as we saw last week, that’s the first and foundational remedy to sinful judgment: humble repentance in light of the gospel.
Of course, our Savior never leaves us merely forgiven, but He’s devoted to our transformation. This is also glorious news: when God convicts us of sin and grants us repentance, He powerfully works in us to make us different.
How grateful I am to see evidence of this in my own life. Not long ago, I was in the kitchen preparing dinner while my sons were playing in the basement. Over the raucous noise of verbalized crashes and explosions, it’s not unusual to hear my Benjamin’s high-pitched shrieks because of something his big brother is doing to him. On this particular afternoon, I heard the familiar cries: “NO, SAM, NO!!! Don’t DO it! PLEASE, DON’T! It will HURT! NO SAM!!!” alternating with Sam’s determined voice: “I’m gonna do it! It won’t hurt! I’m gonna do it!” Of course, I immediately knew what my oldest son was up to: “That boy is always tempting his little brother; there he goes again—what’s he doing this time: pinning him to the floor? Threatening to hit him with something? I AM NOT GOING TO RAISE A BULLY! I’ve had it—we’ve told him time and again to be kind to his brother, to be an example, to be his protector, to use self-control!
However, something unusual happened. Instead of stomping down the stairs, marching over to Sam with scolding looks and words, by God’s grace I took a deep breath and “entered with my eyes instead of my voice.” Although I was prepared to bellow out a correction, when I rounded the corner, the boys turned to see me, and Sam cried out excitedly, “Look Mom, a dead spider on the table! I was going to touch it to show Ben that it was really dead and wouldn’t hurt him or me!”
Instead of threatening Ben, Sam wanted to serve him. Instead of being scared of Sam, Ben was scared for him. It wasn’t at all what I knew was happening. But in His kindness, God spared me from acting on my sinful judgment yet again, and my suspicions melted into fresh love for my boys—and as a result, I’m now less prone to uncharitable judgments of my sons.
Remedy #2: The Pursuit of Love
This suggests a second part of the remedy for sinful judgment: the pursuit of love. We don’t simply stop judging, we start loving. And I’ve found no greater help in the battle against sinful judgment than the truth found in 1 Corinthians 13. Over and over I’ve been inspired by its description of genuine love, and convicted by its penetrating claim: regardless of what commendable things I do, they amount to nothing in God’s eyes if I do not love.
This simple chart has helped me contrast my own sinful tendencies with God’s description of love:
| Sinful Judgment | Love |
| Unsympathetic to human weakness | Love is patient and kind (v. 4a) |
| Exalts my desires, elevates my preferences, and assumes I perceive accurately | Love is not arrogant (not puffed up, blown up, inflated with self-importance – v. 4b) |
| Keeps close track of others’ sins (whether real or imagined) | Love keeps no record of wrongs (v. 5b) |
| Automatically assumes the worst rather than the best about another. | Love believes the best, bears, hopes, and endures all things (v. 7) |
In a moment of temptation, this chart places my choice in stark relief. When my husband calls and says he’ll be home in 10 minutes and it’s now been 30, do I stew over all the things I just know he’s doing? Or do I practice patience and intentionally and specifically prepare to show him kindness? (Now, if this occurs every day, then later you can humbly discuss this pattern with your husband—but that’s for someone else’s blog post!).
What if someone hasn’t returned my phone call or e-mail in what I consider is a timely manner? Again I have a choice: I can criticize them in my heart and draw a conclusion about their motive, or I can humbly choose to think charitably about them—perhaps they’re so burdened they can’t even get to their calls or e-mail! Whatever they’re tending to, I’m certain it’s more important than my call (Phil. 2:3)! Or maybe she didn’t even get the message!
As I’ve seen more of this sinful tendency in my life, I’ve been amazed at how reflexively I can assume the worst about others instead of believing the best (v. 7). When a friend moved in with us four years ago, she expressed her eager desire to fight the sin of selfishness and humbly asked us to help her spot manifestations of this sin. She explained how comfortable she had become in her 40 years of singleness, and she wanted to resist the temptation to isolate herself in her room where it was nice and quiet (unlike the rest of our house!).
One particular August, it seemed to me that she was spending an inordinate amount of time in her room with her door shut. I assumed something must be wrong. She must be depressed again . . . or bothered about something . . .and off I went down my path of judging.
For two weeks, I judged in silence, speculating, wondering—knowing there must be a problem—until my 47th birthday rolled around in early September, and she presented me with a collection of 47 exquisite cards which she had lovingly made by hand, secluded in her room, over the past two weeks. My mind flooded with mixed feelings: I was blessed by her thoughtfulness and mortified by the string of uncharitable assumptions I had made. How easily I could have just asked her questions in order to care for her. How I wished I had believed the best.
When we pursue the kind of love we see in 1 Corinthians 13, instead of sinful judgments, we’ll make charitable judgments.
Ken Sande has a helpful definition of charitable judgment:
Charitable (loving) Judgment: “Out of love for God, you strive to believe the best about others until you have facts to prove otherwise.”
If we can reasonably interpret facts in two possible ways, love calls us to choose the positive interpretation over the negative -- or at least to postpone making any judgment at all until we can acquire conclusive facts.
Isn’t it amazing how, with those we truly love, we are less likely to jump to negative conclusions, but instead to defend them? Love covers a multitude of sins.
If we desire long-term change in this area, the third part of the remedy is vitally important. We must renew our minds. Of course, we’re always to be renewing our minds as we grow in godliness, but it is particularly important with this sin pattern. Because the heart of this sin involves what I think—the assumptions I hold, the evaluations I make, the conclusions I draw—my mental faculties are fully engaged as my mind travels down well-worn paths of judgment. To put this sin to death, then, I must diligently be about the disciplines of renewing my mind.
Let me suggest two simple but important facets of this. First, Scripture memorization is the most powerful weapon we have here. I believe this requires more than the normal exposure to the bible I receive in my devotions. I’m referring here to what our friend Mike Bullmore has called “strategic Scripture memorization”: identifying specific verses to addresses specific sinful thoughts.
I’m sure you have your own list, but in addition to 1 Cor. 13, here are a few that have been helpful to me:
Proverbs 18:13 – If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.
Philippians 4:8 – Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
Philippians 2:3 – Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.
Romans 12:9-10 – Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.
Luke 6:35-36 – But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for He is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.
Because this pattern of sin occurs so spontaneously, we need to arm ourselves with specific verses such as these so that we can do battle in the moment. How often I have returned to these verses and found my thinking corrected and my sinful judgment averted.
A second facet of renewing our minds is learning to scrutinize judgmental thoughts when they come. As I’ve focused on this area, I’ve become much more attuned to such thoughts when they jump to mind. Here are some questions that might be helpful to keep in mind when you read that e-mail, or leave that conversation, or observe that interaction.
Am I more aware at this moment that I am the biggest sinner I know (because I know my own heart!)? Am I relating to this person self-righteously, or as a fellow sinner saved by grace?
Is my thought/opinion based firmly on Scripture or on my own ideas and preferences?
Have I assumed I know this person’s heart and made judgments about her motive? Am I believing the best about her (unless facts make this impossible)?
Am I drawing a conclusion prematurely? Am I missing any facts necessary for an accurate evaluation?
How would I want this person to think of me if the roles were reversed?
Consider crafting your own questions to scrutinize the kinds of judgments you make. This will help you be more suspicious of your own heart than you are of others!
Remedy #4: Requesting the Help of Others
I want to mention one final remedy—requesting the help of others—because few areas of my life have been more transformed by others’ input than sinful judging. I think that’s because of the nature of this sin—my feelings feel so natural! My assessments seem so right! So most of the time I don’t even realize that I am judging. This is why I need the eyes of others, because they can see it much more clearly than I can myself.
And I need more than just their eyes; I need to equip them to serve me in this sin area, alerting them to my tendencies, informing them of my weaknesses. If I do this, then their observations will be more insightful, their questions more pointed. If I really want to put this sin to death, I want others’ help before I sin. And then I want to keep asking for their help as I walk through the process of putting this sin to death.
Here’s how this looked for me just a few weeks ago. I received an e-mail from a woman filled with her observations of my failures. If you’ve received one of those, you know the mixture of dread and defensiveness that wells up in your heart. Before I even finished reading the note, I forwarded it Jeff and the ladies in my care group because I wanted their objective eyes—not simply on this note, but even moreso on me as I processed this note. They are well-acquainted with my history and patterns of sinful judgment. They know what questions to ask and how to help me navigate humbly. And because they did, my response to the note led to a confession of sin and a reconciliation with this woman that surpassed my expectations.
Well, I realize this has been lengthy, but I hope it’s helped to prepare your heart for temptations that most surely will arise. And if you want to stick with this series one more week, we’ll look at what happens when we’re the ones being judged.
