A smile crept across my face. It was happening again and it was altogether delicious, and I’m not referring to the chocolate fondue pots spilling over in yumminess. The husbands – ahem, our men of God - had been sprung for a week of training at the Sovereign Grace Pastors College. Seizing the moment, our Sr. Pastor’s wife, Meghan, had an idea…..it’s ladies night! That meant dessert at The Melting Pot. Just to give you an idea, the melting Pot is one of those places that results in girdle sales. Now picture this: Eleven women of all ages, shapes and sizes sitting at a long table for over three hours just laughing together. And I’m not talking about polite chuckles either (the guys call that a ‘golf clap’, but I’m not sure guys really know how to laugh). No, I’m talking about the “…stop…stop…I’m crossing my legs and I can’t take it!” kind of laughing. I don’t think anyone would have imagined we were pastors wives. My favorite part was how to get into Spanx while properly applying lipliner. “Spanx” is hip chick-speak for a panty girdle. That’s where we started. But our conversation moved from Spanx, to high school antics, to the more important issues of how the Holy Spirit has challenged and changed us. It was evident to me that our love for everything from our husbands and children to our church had grown enormously over the years. The joy was tangible. You know what I love about these ladies? It’s the diversity. We got your talkers, your non-talkers, your athletes and your academic nerds. We have those who shop at L.L.Bean and those who shop at Anthropologie and think LL Bean is a Mexican dish. We have those who wear acrylics and sport triple process dye jobs and those for whom Burt’s Bees is considered top shelf cosmetics. Yep, we established long ago that we would never have been friends in high school. But something amazing unites us….and I’m not talking about our husbands jobs. We have been brought together by the Gospel. We also been connected by a common call on our husbands lives to serve the church. It’s quite an honor to be married to men that do that. It’s also been quite a ride. As we shared our hearts, shed our tears, and returned to uproarious laughter over one another’s stories, I was reminded that this was no mere gabfest, support group, or “Ladies who Lunch,”. Nope, this was a group of true friends who take their role very seriously and are regularly looking for ways to use their position of influence to bless the church and serve their husbands. I guess we had been formed into a team. And this is a mystery to me, but some of us have been together for quite some time. For instance our local church just celebrated an anniversary - 25 years of experiencing God’s faithfulness together. Some of us have been around for a good part of that journey. Others have been here only a year or two but they love the church no less and work just as hard to serve it. I wonder if you picked up on a word I used to describe these ladies – team. Maybe you’re thinking, “What does she mean by the word team? I thought only the guys had a ‘team.’ It’s a good question. But when people are committed to biblical friendship as a part of ministry, team happens – whether it’s pastors or their wives. I’ve had the opportunity to travel around to many different Sovereign Grace Churches, and I’ve seen this reality many times, be it “teams” of two or twenty. It starts with a simple conviction. We’re called to our husbands and they are called to this church and this team. Therefore we’re called to friendships as wives. Nobody’s asking whether our personalities are compatible. We have something more valuable that connects us. The gospel and the local church. It’s a sovereign joining. These “joinings” should foster certain kinds of exchanges among women whose husbands serve on pastoral teams. Things like affection, charity and love for one another;….and I’m not talking about a sappy sentimental kind of love. I mean the “large souled” love that overrides personal preferences and overlooks being sinned against. I have to be honest. This wasn’t always my vision. In fact I remember clearly when the dots began to connect. It was a many years ago in a small, Baltimore restaurant when my wonderful husband along with some dear friends helped me examine some faulty perceptions of friendship. Convictions were birthed there that helped me look beyond myself to see how my friendships with the other wives could serve my husband and our local church. And that a ministry team will only be as strong as the relationship among the pastors…..and their wives! Since then I’ve seen the sweet fruit in the lives of many pastors and wives. How God can use the wives relationships as an additional glue for the guys. How these relationships among the ladies can protect the influence of our husbands. I’ve also seen what happens when women don’t steward this privileged position carefully. Believe it or not, pastoral teams can fragment because wives don’t manage relationships according to God’s word. The dessert was good that night and the memory of our joy will linger long. But far sweeter than any fondue was the reality that something had been built that united us, served our husbands and contributed to the local church. I can’t wait for the next 25 years!
Monday, November 9, 2009
Of Spanx, Lipliner and Pastor's Wives
by Kimm Harvey
A smile crept across my face. It was happening again and it was altogether delicious, and I’m not referring to the chocolate fondue pots spilling over in yumminess. The husbands – ahem, our men of God - had been sprung for a week of training at the Sovereign Grace Pastors College. Seizing the moment, our Sr. Pastor’s wife, Meghan, had an idea…..it’s ladies night! That meant dessert at The Melting Pot. Just to give you an idea, the melting Pot is one of those places that results in girdle sales. Now picture this: Eleven women of all ages, shapes and sizes sitting at a long table for over three hours just laughing together. And I’m not talking about polite chuckles either (the guys call that a ‘golf clap’, but I’m not sure guys really know how to laugh). No, I’m talking about the “…stop…stop…I’m crossing my legs and I can’t take it!” kind of laughing. I don’t think anyone would have imagined we were pastors wives. My favorite part was how to get into Spanx while properly applying lipliner. “Spanx” is hip chick-speak for a panty girdle. That’s where we started. But our conversation moved from Spanx, to high school antics, to the more important issues of how the Holy Spirit has challenged and changed us. It was evident to me that our love for everything from our husbands and children to our church had grown enormously over the years. The joy was tangible. You know what I love about these ladies? It’s the diversity. We got your talkers, your non-talkers, your athletes and your academic nerds. We have those who shop at L.L.Bean and those who shop at Anthropologie and think LL Bean is a Mexican dish. We have those who wear acrylics and sport triple process dye jobs and those for whom Burt’s Bees is considered top shelf cosmetics. Yep, we established long ago that we would never have been friends in high school. But something amazing unites us….and I’m not talking about our husbands jobs. We have been brought together by the Gospel. We also been connected by a common call on our husbands lives to serve the church. It’s quite an honor to be married to men that do that. It’s also been quite a ride. As we shared our hearts, shed our tears, and returned to uproarious laughter over one another’s stories, I was reminded that this was no mere gabfest, support group, or “Ladies who Lunch,”. Nope, this was a group of true friends who take their role very seriously and are regularly looking for ways to use their position of influence to bless the church and serve their husbands. I guess we had been formed into a team. And this is a mystery to me, but some of us have been together for quite some time. For instance our local church just celebrated an anniversary - 25 years of experiencing God’s faithfulness together. Some of us have been around for a good part of that journey. Others have been here only a year or two but they love the church no less and work just as hard to serve it. I wonder if you picked up on a word I used to describe these ladies – team. Maybe you’re thinking, “What does she mean by the word team? I thought only the guys had a ‘team.’ It’s a good question. But when people are committed to biblical friendship as a part of ministry, team happens – whether it’s pastors or their wives. I’ve had the opportunity to travel around to many different Sovereign Grace Churches, and I’ve seen this reality many times, be it “teams” of two or twenty. It starts with a simple conviction. We’re called to our husbands and they are called to this church and this team. Therefore we’re called to friendships as wives. Nobody’s asking whether our personalities are compatible. We have something more valuable that connects us. The gospel and the local church. It’s a sovereign joining. These “joinings” should foster certain kinds of exchanges among women whose husbands serve on pastoral teams. Things like affection, charity and love for one another;….and I’m not talking about a sappy sentimental kind of love. I mean the “large souled” love that overrides personal preferences and overlooks being sinned against. I have to be honest. This wasn’t always my vision. In fact I remember clearly when the dots began to connect. It was a many years ago in a small, Baltimore restaurant when my wonderful husband along with some dear friends helped me examine some faulty perceptions of friendship. Convictions were birthed there that helped me look beyond myself to see how my friendships with the other wives could serve my husband and our local church. And that a ministry team will only be as strong as the relationship among the pastors…..and their wives! Since then I’ve seen the sweet fruit in the lives of many pastors and wives. How God can use the wives relationships as an additional glue for the guys. How these relationships among the ladies can protect the influence of our husbands. I’ve also seen what happens when women don’t steward this privileged position carefully. Believe it or not, pastoral teams can fragment because wives don’t manage relationships according to God’s word. The dessert was good that night and the memory of our joy will linger long. But far sweeter than any fondue was the reality that something had been built that united us, served our husbands and contributed to the local church. I can’t wait for the next 25 years!
A smile crept across my face. It was happening again and it was altogether delicious, and I’m not referring to the chocolate fondue pots spilling over in yumminess. The husbands – ahem, our men of God - had been sprung for a week of training at the Sovereign Grace Pastors College. Seizing the moment, our Sr. Pastor’s wife, Meghan, had an idea…..it’s ladies night! That meant dessert at The Melting Pot. Just to give you an idea, the melting Pot is one of those places that results in girdle sales. Now picture this: Eleven women of all ages, shapes and sizes sitting at a long table for over three hours just laughing together. And I’m not talking about polite chuckles either (the guys call that a ‘golf clap’, but I’m not sure guys really know how to laugh). No, I’m talking about the “…stop…stop…I’m crossing my legs and I can’t take it!” kind of laughing. I don’t think anyone would have imagined we were pastors wives. My favorite part was how to get into Spanx while properly applying lipliner. “Spanx” is hip chick-speak for a panty girdle. That’s where we started. But our conversation moved from Spanx, to high school antics, to the more important issues of how the Holy Spirit has challenged and changed us. It was evident to me that our love for everything from our husbands and children to our church had grown enormously over the years. The joy was tangible. You know what I love about these ladies? It’s the diversity. We got your talkers, your non-talkers, your athletes and your academic nerds. We have those who shop at L.L.Bean and those who shop at Anthropologie and think LL Bean is a Mexican dish. We have those who wear acrylics and sport triple process dye jobs and those for whom Burt’s Bees is considered top shelf cosmetics. Yep, we established long ago that we would never have been friends in high school. But something amazing unites us….and I’m not talking about our husbands jobs. We have been brought together by the Gospel. We also been connected by a common call on our husbands lives to serve the church. It’s quite an honor to be married to men that do that. It’s also been quite a ride. As we shared our hearts, shed our tears, and returned to uproarious laughter over one another’s stories, I was reminded that this was no mere gabfest, support group, or “Ladies who Lunch,”. Nope, this was a group of true friends who take their role very seriously and are regularly looking for ways to use their position of influence to bless the church and serve their husbands. I guess we had been formed into a team. And this is a mystery to me, but some of us have been together for quite some time. For instance our local church just celebrated an anniversary - 25 years of experiencing God’s faithfulness together. Some of us have been around for a good part of that journey. Others have been here only a year or two but they love the church no less and work just as hard to serve it. I wonder if you picked up on a word I used to describe these ladies – team. Maybe you’re thinking, “What does she mean by the word team? I thought only the guys had a ‘team.’ It’s a good question. But when people are committed to biblical friendship as a part of ministry, team happens – whether it’s pastors or their wives. I’ve had the opportunity to travel around to many different Sovereign Grace Churches, and I’ve seen this reality many times, be it “teams” of two or twenty. It starts with a simple conviction. We’re called to our husbands and they are called to this church and this team. Therefore we’re called to friendships as wives. Nobody’s asking whether our personalities are compatible. We have something more valuable that connects us. The gospel and the local church. It’s a sovereign joining. These “joinings” should foster certain kinds of exchanges among women whose husbands serve on pastoral teams. Things like affection, charity and love for one another;….and I’m not talking about a sappy sentimental kind of love. I mean the “large souled” love that overrides personal preferences and overlooks being sinned against. I have to be honest. This wasn’t always my vision. In fact I remember clearly when the dots began to connect. It was a many years ago in a small, Baltimore restaurant when my wonderful husband along with some dear friends helped me examine some faulty perceptions of friendship. Convictions were birthed there that helped me look beyond myself to see how my friendships with the other wives could serve my husband and our local church. And that a ministry team will only be as strong as the relationship among the pastors…..and their wives! Since then I’ve seen the sweet fruit in the lives of many pastors and wives. How God can use the wives relationships as an additional glue for the guys. How these relationships among the ladies can protect the influence of our husbands. I’ve also seen what happens when women don’t steward this privileged position carefully. Believe it or not, pastoral teams can fragment because wives don’t manage relationships according to God’s word. The dessert was good that night and the memory of our joy will linger long. But far sweeter than any fondue was the reality that something had been built that united us, served our husbands and contributed to the local church. I can’t wait for the next 25 years!
