Prayer for Pastors' Wives

by Janis Shank

Charles Spurgeon once said: “No man can do me a truer kindness in this world than to pray for me.”

Our dear friend Mary Mohler has shown true kindness to us by offering the following prayer for pastors' wives at the Southern Baptist Convention in Louisville KY last week. It is inspiring to read the specific requests she makes before God on our behalf.

Perhaps we can be inspired by her example and chose one of our fellow pastors' wives to pray for each day this week. Why not find a way to follow the kindness of prayer by the kindness of encouragement!

Thank you again for your sacrificial and joy-filled serving of our Savior each day!

Father, what an honor it is to lift up my sisters in Christ who serve as pastors’ wives.

Thank you for raising up these women to serve you in this unique and vital calling.

I pray your blessing upon each one—wherever she serves across our denomination.

May she be mindful of the role she alone fills in the church as the wife of the pastor.

May she take seriously the importance of respecting her husband, encouraging him, praying for him and loving him with all of her heart.

May she never underestimate the importance of watching well over the ways of her household as she seeks to provide a happy home environment that will be a welcome refuge for him from the pressures and perils of ministry.

If you bless her with the wonderful gift of motherhood, may she nurture her children in such a way that they not only love and follow you, Lord, but also that they come to love their life in a ministry family as she ensures they appreciate the privileges that are theirs in this special calling.

As she serves your church, may she enthusiastically develop and use the gifts and talents that you have already given her through the power of the Holy Spirit. May she foster a deep and abiding love for the people to whom you have called her to serve.

As the women of her church look to her as a mentor, and they will, may she seize that opportunity to reflect godliness, contentment, honesty, compassion and perseverance. In order to do so, may she embrace the daily discipline of being a serious student of your Word, committing it to memory and spending much time in prayer.

Guard her heart; guard her mind; guard her tongue; guard her feet as she seeks to not grow weary in well doing even as many of her completed tasks may seem to go unnoticed. May she truly do her husband good and not harm, all the days of her life.

Your word tells us that “the eyes of the LORD move to and fro throughout the entire earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His.” I pray boldly that you will find us to be just that kind of people and that you will use us as ministry wives alongside our husbands to do great things for the kingdom for the sake of the Gospel and for your glory.

You also tell us that you are able to do “exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us,” and with that in mind, I ask all of these things in the powerful and matchless name of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Intentional Hospitality

by Julie Kauflin

Ah Summer… longer days, freer schedule, no school…it’s time to fire up the grill, have some folks over, and enjoy sitting out on the deck. I love summer! Can you tell? But if you’re like me, the summer can slip by in spite of all my best intentions. Please join me as I make some intentional plans, and exercise my desire with actual hospitality.

First things first, let’s talk to our husband about our desire to have some folks over.
“What days can you see this working?”
“How often would you have faith for having people over?”
“I’ll try to stay within the budget, but could we possibly find any money that we could add?”

He says maybe 2 times a month. Perfect…I have faith for that! I’ve realized that it helps me to include people in what is already in place. So, with our extended family coming over every Sunday…let’s start with adding people in to that mix. I’m already cooking, so let’s add a few more! We get the word out to singles, “come on over around 2:00.” It has been so much fun, we’ve built relationships, offered counsel and given the lonely a place where they feel part of a family.

Sundays I typically plan for 12 to 16 people. Since I get home from church later…I do some prep on Saturday, dessert and salad, marinate the chicken. Then I plan something quick and easy.

Some quick and easy meals have been:

Casseroles in the oven on time bake.
Chicken on the grill. (Lots of different marinades to try, or toppings for the chicken brings variety and flavor.)
Shish kabob
Hamburgers
Crock pot barbeque.

I’ve started planning on having appetizers out as I’m cooking. This has really helped people feel relaxed and welcome right from the start. Nothing fancy…chips and salsa, artichoke dip from Sam’s. We always have a cheese plate with crackers. I walk in from the meeting…start the grill and grill chicken. My girls start setting things out, set the table, and begin offering drinks.

The other time that seems to work for us are Friday nights. These will be more specific. We know we have the slot, so we keep our eyes and ears open for people we don’t know or people we want to deepen our friendship with. Maybe just a couple or a family. With a smaller gathering I feel more freedom to make some dishes that may be new or more labor intensive. I love to cook, so any chance to do something new is an adventure for me. Also with a smaller group we can really invest in this relationship, drawing them out and finding out about them.

Hospitality has been one of the biggest blessings our family enjoys. It has been so rewarding to see our family chip in, in a relaxed, unhurried fashion to prepare for having people in our home. Now I get the joy of seeing my married daughters and sons have a heart that welcomes others in to their homes, with joy.

I’m sure you all have benefitted from Nicole’s helpful, Biblical foundation for why hospitality is something we as women should embrace. So, can I share a few practical things I’ve learned over the years?

Go with your strengths…

• Do you like a more formal dinner or casual? Don’t try to be what you are not comfortable with.
• Do you like to have a buffet or family style or serve a meal plated?
• Budget wise…maybe you should just have dessert.

When planning your menu…

• A simple meal served by a relaxed hostess is preferable to an elaborate meal with a worried and anxious hostess.
• Choose recipes that are equal to your cooking skill level.
• Pick one or two items to invest time into. Make the other parts of the meal less labor intensive.
• Make the food you love and everyone will love the food you make.
• Hospitality is about giving, not impressing. It creates an atmosphere that makes you want to sit, eat, drink and linger around a table for a long time
• Develop a plan or schedule, working back from when you want to eat.
• Be light hearted. If you feel anxious, your guests will not feel at peace.
• Our children are watching what having people over is like for us. Do the heart work for it to be a true joy.
• Accept that things rarely turn out the way you imagine.
• Approach meals with the thought that this is like family. People are blessed just to be in your home.
• There is a learning curve so start simple!
• The good hostess is the person who makes you feel welcome, relaxed, and part of his or her life.
• Take stock of your strengths and weaknesses. If you don’t enjoy cooking with others watching, then plan to have everything ready.
• Plan your time realistically. Making things ahead of time while leaving a few things that need to be done last minute.
• Create a check list of things to be done and your menu. There have been times when I’ve made food ahead of time, stored it and then forgotten to put it out.
• Leave yourself 15 minutes before guests arrive to clean up all the pots and pans. Starting with an empty sink makes for a peaceful start.
• Think of things that people can do to help if they ask…chopping, finishing salad, getting drinks.
• Start with your dishwasher empty.
• As far as cleaning in preparation, concentrate on the kitchen, the room where you’ll be eating, and the bathroom. People aren’t coming to inspect your cleaning skills.

Gathering supplies:

• Gradually acquire large serving pieces. I pick these up at Marshalls, T. J. Maxx, Ross for under $10.00.
• Consider purchasing plates, plastic ware, cups from Sam’s or Costco to have on hand.
• I have sought to gradually get enough dishes to serve our extended family, plus friends. It took some time and saving, but has really served us.

Well, summer is here! Let’s talk to our husbands and get some dates on the calendar. Hospitality doesn’t need to be one more thing to do. It is an opportunity to build friendships, influence your children, and bless others. There are few more relaxed ways to get acquainted than over a meal. What a joy it is to bring glory to God through this gift He has given us.

The Hospitable Pastor's Wife Part 2

by Nicole Whitacre

Scripture doesn’t just tell us that hospitality is important. It also tells us how and why we are to practice it.

First of all, we are to show hospitality intentionally. When it tells us to “practice hospitality” the verb usually points to a “vigorous effort.” We are to pursue or strive after hospitality.

This eliminates the, “I’ll do it when I feel like it,” “I’ll do it when it is convenient,” and “I’ll do it when I have to” approaches to hospitality—all of which I’ve tried. No, we’re to go after hospitality like a dog hunting a bone. We’re to sniff out opportunities and seize upon them.

If you’re like me and spontaneity is a mild form of torture, (somewhere just below water-boarding), then scheduling hospitality can help you be intentional. Every month, my husband and I sit down with our calendars and lists of folks we’d like to have over, and plan a few months in advance. My husband emails them right away (maybe before I have a chance to back out!).

But we can also plan to be spontaneous: one woman in my church has a meal prepared before the Sunday meeting so they can invite someone to join them for lunch. And of course, if you are one of those women who love the last minute, late-staying guest, then invite away!

Second, we are to practice hospitality wisely. “The wisest of women builds her house,” it says in Proverbs 14:1; and she “looks well to the ways of her household” it echoes in Proverbs 31:27.

We are to be strategic, prudent, and humble in order to serve our family and our guests. Simply planning ahead is one key way we can wisely practice hospitality. This allows us to be flexible, peaceful, and can minimize the effort required.

Simplifying is another way to be wise in hospitality. Maybe you choose to have three couples over for coffee and dessert rather than one person for three-course meal. Now that’s not to say we can’t “go all out” to bless our guests! We simply must first consider whether it is wisdom given our season and family responsibilities.

And to practice hospitality wisely may mean refraining at times—say, when your husband needs a nap after a sermon or when a child needs focused and individual attention.

(Speaking of wisdom in hospitality, Julie Kauflin will be along next week to share her thoughts with you.)

Finally, we are to practice hospitality cheerfully. In 1 Peter 4:9 there is this interesting little phrase tacked on to the command: “show hospitality to one another without grumbling.”

I find this rather humorous. It’s as if Peter knew this was going to be a temptation for us and so he put that little reminder in there. He ups the ante on us. It’s not enough to do hospitality—you must do it without grumbling.

This hits close to home for me. Especially during the exhausting “Two Hours Before Care Group” choreography: Dinner has to be made and served, dishes cleared and washed, kids fed, read to and in bed, foundation applied to the dark circles under my eyes and perfume sprayed to mask clingy household smells, coffee made, snacks laid out, bathroom wiped clean (almost forgot!), ice bucket filled and—whew!—smile ready when the first person walks through the door fifteen minutes early.

(All show times begin at 4:15—on good days. Tickets are free if you promise to help.)

The minute everything is ready and people walk through the door, they see my smiling face. What they don’t see is that I’ve spent the last three hours fretful, complaining, and anxious. But my family sees. And God sees.

News flash: Hospitality is work! It requires sacrifice of time, energy, and even finances. So how do we practice hospitality cheerfully instead of begrudgingly?

We remember the why: We practice hospitality because we have first received hospitality.

“Grace is the hospitality of God to welcome sinners not because of their goodness but because of his glory,” explains John Piper:

“The ultimate act of hospitality was when Jesus Christ died for sinners to make everyone who believes a member of the household of God. We are no longer strangers and sojourners. We have come home to God. Everybody who trusts in Jesus finds a home in God.”

If we have trusted in Jesus, we have found a home in God. We were once strangers. But through the suffering of Jesus Christ, we have been brought near to God. We are not strangers anymore.

We have been the recipients of the ultimate act of hospitality.

What grace we have received! How can we not, in turn, seek to show grace and love to others by opening our homes and showing hospitality to strangers?

When we truly understand the gospel, the amazing, undeserved love that has been shown to us, we will find a powerful incentive to show hospitality that will truly conquer every hindrance or reluctance. It will cause us to eagerly desire to show hospitality.

And there’s more. Not only have we been recipients of the ultimate act of hospitality, but when we show hospitality to others, God showers us with blessings.

You know Hebrews 13:2 where it urges us not to neglect to show hospitality to strangers “for thereby some have entertained angels unawares”? That verse has always puzzled me. Am I really to expect angels to be visiting my home?

Not exactly.

The author of Hebrews is referring to such famous stories in the Bible such as Abraham and Lot who showed hospitality to angels. But the point for us is what Alexander Strauch so helpfully explains:

“The writer of Hebrews is not suggesting that we should expect supernatural agents to visit us incognito if we practice hospitality. Rather, the writer means that hospitality often results in unexpected blessing and reward” (emphasis mine).

We can expect God’s “presence and provision” in the context of hospitality.

We are to be on the lookout for this blessing in many forms—friendship, fellowship, and even material provision to continue to extend hospitality to others.

Most importantly, we can know the presence and power of God.

John Piper offers a fitting conclusion:

“When we practice hospitality we experience the refreshing joy of becoming conduits of God’s hospitality rather than being self-decaying cul-de-sacs. We experience the thrill of feeling God's power conquer our fears and our stinginess and…our self-centeredness. And there are few joys, if any, greater than the joy of experiencing the liberating power of God's hospitality making us a new and radically different kind of people, who love to reflect the glory of his grace as we extend it to others in all kinds of hospitality.”

Any takers for some refreshing joy? Sign me up!

We won’t find it in a spa or a few quiet hours with a novel, or even that much-coveted afternoon nap, but from a most unexpected place. True, refreshing, exhilarating joy comes from extending God’s love to others through gracious hospitality. It doesn’t come from “getting away from it all” or “taking time for ourselves” but rather experiencing God’s liberating power to become conduits of our Savior’s gracious hospitality.

The Hospitable Pastor's Wife

by Nicole Whitacre

I used to think that hospitality was for certain, uniquely gifted women who “got into that sort of thing.” You know the type: she has three lasagnas in the freezer, a roast and potatoes in the crockpot, cookies in the oven and coffee just brewed. Her table is always graced with fresh-cut hydrangeas from her garden—even in the dead of winter (or so it seems). She’s never happier than when a few strays show up unannounced for dinner, except of course, when a family of seven comes to stay for the week.

Me, well I panic when an extra guest shows up for dinner. My hydrangeas barely bloom in spring, and I think the chicken in my freezer has a frosty coat. Oh, and the coffee? I drank that already.

Don’t get me wrong—I love all things domestic, and I thoroughly enjoy the opportunities I have as a pastor’s wife to get to know people. But I never thought I had the kind of capacity for regular hospitality as those “gifted” women.

Sadly, I didn’t see the importance of hospitality either. I considered my home to be merely one of many possible places to get together with people. So when my husband Steve and I would plan to meet with people I was quick to suggest we take a couple to Starbucks or host a group at the park. Less work for me, I thought, to my shame.

You can see why I had to laugh when our senior pastor’s wife, Lesley called and asked

me to lead a women’s meeting on hospitality. I think maybe God was laughing too.

So I sat down with a stack of Bible dictionaries from my husband’s library and a few books on hospitality (I had to buy and borrow as I didn’t have any!) and made some surprising discoveries.

For example, did you know that hospitality it is everywhere in Scripture? It’s a major theme in the Old Testament, notable in our Savior’s life and teaching, and a regular practice of the early church. Hospitality even figures prominently in the Bible’s description of heaven.

In fact, the number of times the New Testament authors exhorted believers to practice hospitality led one author to observe that to them, “hospitality was evidently rated highly.”

Obviously, I had not rated hospitality as highly as I should.

What’s more, hospitality is not optional or only for those with a special gift. Hospitality is required for all Christians. It also appears on the short list of characteristics of a godly woman and is most particularly required of a pastor—and thus, by extension, his wife (1 Tim. 5:9, 1 Tim. 3;2, Tit. 1:8).

Christian. Woman. Pastor’s Wife.

I’m slow, but I began to think maybe this applied to me.

So, I kept studying.

Hospitality in Scripture, I learned, is a compound word meaning “love of stranger.” It is to “show kindness to a stranger in such a way that they cease to be a stranger any more.”

When someone walks through our front door, a tangible, powerful thing happens. There is a fundamental change in our relationship. People who were once strangers cease to be strangers. For in opening our home to them, we are also opening our lives; and they in turn, feel comfortable to open up their lives to us.

We’re no longer strangers. We’re friends.

How many times I had experienced this without noticing! As I began to consider our relationships, and the closeness I felt with my church community, I realized that this was, in almost every case, a result of hospitality extended and hospitality received.

That’s why hospitality is an essential part of church life: it “builds up unity and helps meet practical needs” in the church. It is “a way of bringing the household into the church and the church into the household.”

Hospitality serves my church and at the same time, it serves my family. It is a strategic way for my husband and I to graft our family into the church and the church into our family.

So hospitality, then, is a central part of my calling to help my husband. It helps him lead our family into a love for and commitment to the local church. And it helps him care for and shepherd the church that we love.

In fact, in Scripture, “loving one another demanded being hospitable.” So if I truly love the people in my church, as I claim to do, then I must be faithful to be hospitable.

With two small children, I don’t feel like I can do much in the church right now. I can’t do regular counseling or serve on a ministry team. I can’t even make it to church if one of the kids are sick. But I can do hospitality.

Of course it looks different for me than for the other gifted pastor’s wives on our team. These women are the standard I am striving for; but many of them are also in a different season of life, not to mention they have been faithfully practicing hospitality for many years. They’ve gotten pretty good at it by now!

What matters, though, is not my gifts or skill, or the scope of my hospitality, but simply that I am faithful to “show hospitality.” Not only is it a command from God to me, it is a vital, strategic, powerful way to serve my husband, my children, my church, and even the lost.

John Piper’s exhortation has become my motto: “Don't ever underestimate the power of your living room as a launching pad for new life and hope and ministry and mission!”

I’m not so quick to suggest Starbucks these days—for it can’t compare with my living room as a launching pad for new life and ministry.

Laughter is Good Medicine

Have you ever noticed how laughing at ourselves helps to keep life and all its pressures in perspective? Today we bring you a touch of joy from Clara Boisvert, wife to Robin who serves as a pastor in Covenant Life Church. Clara is one of our favorites in making us laugh. Enjoy as you benefit from Clara's outstanding tips for cleaning and home administration!

Cleaning Tips

Someone once asked me what my cleaning schedule was. Uhh… “People are coming over!” Yes, I’ve been content with a relatively orderly home without a hard and fast cleaning schedule. Being able to live with dust may be hereditary – my mom and grandma were able to tolerate a little dust, although they fussed about it. When I can write “Do not dust – test panel” on my furniture I know it’s time to take action. (Or when my dear husband starts a sneezing fit.).


When my children were small I relied on checklists when preparing for company. I listed all that needed to be done in cleaning and making refreshments and as the children matured I delegated items to them and we made it a team effort in preparing for hospitality. Occasionally my check list method would let me down, like the time I was having care group leaders into our home for a meeting. Having madly cleaned and finished food preparation, I rushed upstairs to get myself ready (always leaving my personal grooming ‘til last – not good if people show up early and find me in my bedroom slippers as happened just this past week!). I took those necessary deep breaths and was able to welcome my guests with a smile. As we were sitting in the living room having our discussion, my attention was diverted by the end table lampshade which sported a round lacey cobweb floating lazily up and down in the heat!

Then there was the one and only time my older brother stayed overnight at our home. He came down in the morning carrying the bathroom fan cover, which was packed with dust and lint. I’m sure I had done the white glove test everywhere else in that bathroom! As you can see, it’s been necessary to add a few items to my cleaning checklist.

Here are some gems of cleaning advice I’ve learned from Titus 2 ladies in my church:

1. “What you can’t see from a galloping horse, don’t worry about.”

2. “If you’re coming to see me, come right over; if you’re coming to see my house, you’ll need to make an appointment.”

My final cleaning tip is to make sure you know where you are calling. As a young single, having just moved from one state to another, I was getting established with new doctors and dentist. I called my dentist and asked for an appointment for a check-up and cleaning. The receptionist put me on hold for a while. When she came back on the line she said, “Miss, just exactly what did you mean by a ‘cleaning’?” By the time she was done asking it had dawned on me that I had called not the dentist as I intended, but the gynecologist! I’m sure I made their day!