Before we get into things too far, I want to share a story with you that I recently came across. Julia Dent Grant is one of my new historical friends. She was married to our 18th President, Ulysses S. Grant. What a privilege! When you read about their marriage, you find that she loved her husband and was deeply adored by her husband. She was cherished by her children and she ran a warm and welcoming home. She was also ready on a whim for any chance to travel with her husband. So far, we’re probably all on board … loved my husband? Check. Adored in return? Check Have a home and children we love? Check. Any chance to travel with our hubby? Double-Check! But read on. According to President Grant, his dear Julia had one tragic flaw. According the history books, Julia loved her husband but remained detached and disinterested in his vocation. Whatever men did was messy, complicated and of no concern to her. Her husband’s world made no claim upon her. President Grant once said that he knew his wife well and accepted that she cared for little else (I think ‘ouch’ is the operative word!). So, what should serving our husbands look like? Have you ever noticed that Eve was delivered to Adam right where he worked? I’m no theologian, but the fact that he was hard at work naming the animals right before Eve arrived seems to indicate that being a helpmate extends to his work. That means his field becomes her interest. There is a melding of vision and burden – Adam bears it but Eve supports it. Back to First Lady Julia. Once during a party, she openly confessed that she had no idea what the Constitution said and why the succession of the south was unconstitutional. She couldn’t understand why on earth all of this Constitution business must take up so much time from otherwise perfectly pleasant conversation. This is the SAME Constitution her husband was risking his life for at that very moment. She was checked out from her husband’s life. Early on in my relationship with Dave, I knew that we could do life one of two ways: we could live parallel lives or we could live together. I am not talking separate check books. I am referring to a subtle encroachment in our lives of distractions, indulgences, personal preferences and comforts, lack of desire or fear, everyday things that tempt us “off message”. These can prevent us from embracing and owning our husband's call, vision and burdens. Regardless what it is in our lives - it results in us not meeting our man in the field. Ultimately, in each woman’s life someone’s agenda and calling becomes the priority – it was either his or mine. And only one of us was called to be a helpmate. That meant his ministry needed to become my interest. His life became my life. It wasn’t always easy. When Dave was a singles pastor, he said, “If you could please help with serving the single women that would be a tremendous help to me.” Truthfully, I was thinking, “why don’t you just ask me to replace CJ…anything but that!” Why? It was intimidating for me. I had no idea what I was doing. Frankly, I was scared. But, I needed to own my husbands calling and allow that to influence the contours of my service. Serving the singles ladies was what the church needed and what my husband wanted. Wow, was I blessed! Single women are a treasure to every pastor’s wife. As with every family, pastors and pastors wives need to get to the same place at the same time. If my husband is called to lead a church, great, let’s do it! What do I need to be doing to make sure that responsibilities are maintained with the goal in mind? That’s the question I (and we!) need to constantly be asking in whatever pastoral capacity our husband is called to serve. Let's make every effort to own our husband's calling. When we own his vision, we will serve him with our hearts and our lives.
Monday, March 1, 2010
She Does Him Good: Serve Him
By Kimm Harvey
Before we get into things too far, I want to share a story with you that I recently came across. Julia Dent Grant is one of my new historical friends. She was married to our 18th President, Ulysses S. Grant. What a privilege! When you read about their marriage, you find that she loved her husband and was deeply adored by her husband. She was cherished by her children and she ran a warm and welcoming home. She was also ready on a whim for any chance to travel with her husband. So far, we’re probably all on board … loved my husband? Check. Adored in return? Check Have a home and children we love? Check. Any chance to travel with our hubby? Double-Check! But read on. According to President Grant, his dear Julia had one tragic flaw. According the history books, Julia loved her husband but remained detached and disinterested in his vocation. Whatever men did was messy, complicated and of no concern to her. Her husband’s world made no claim upon her. President Grant once said that he knew his wife well and accepted that she cared for little else (I think ‘ouch’ is the operative word!). So, what should serving our husbands look like? Have you ever noticed that Eve was delivered to Adam right where he worked? I’m no theologian, but the fact that he was hard at work naming the animals right before Eve arrived seems to indicate that being a helpmate extends to his work. That means his field becomes her interest. There is a melding of vision and burden – Adam bears it but Eve supports it. Back to First Lady Julia. Once during a party, she openly confessed that she had no idea what the Constitution said and why the succession of the south was unconstitutional. She couldn’t understand why on earth all of this Constitution business must take up so much time from otherwise perfectly pleasant conversation. This is the SAME Constitution her husband was risking his life for at that very moment. She was checked out from her husband’s life. Early on in my relationship with Dave, I knew that we could do life one of two ways: we could live parallel lives or we could live together. I am not talking separate check books. I am referring to a subtle encroachment in our lives of distractions, indulgences, personal preferences and comforts, lack of desire or fear, everyday things that tempt us “off message”. These can prevent us from embracing and owning our husband's call, vision and burdens. Regardless what it is in our lives - it results in us not meeting our man in the field. Ultimately, in each woman’s life someone’s agenda and calling becomes the priority – it was either his or mine. And only one of us was called to be a helpmate. That meant his ministry needed to become my interest. His life became my life. It wasn’t always easy. When Dave was a singles pastor, he said, “If you could please help with serving the single women that would be a tremendous help to me.” Truthfully, I was thinking, “why don’t you just ask me to replace CJ…anything but that!” Why? It was intimidating for me. I had no idea what I was doing. Frankly, I was scared. But, I needed to own my husbands calling and allow that to influence the contours of my service. Serving the singles ladies was what the church needed and what my husband wanted. Wow, was I blessed! Single women are a treasure to every pastor’s wife. As with every family, pastors and pastors wives need to get to the same place at the same time. If my husband is called to lead a church, great, let’s do it! What do I need to be doing to make sure that responsibilities are maintained with the goal in mind? That’s the question I (and we!) need to constantly be asking in whatever pastoral capacity our husband is called to serve. Let's make every effort to own our husband's calling. When we own his vision, we will serve him with our hearts and our lives.
Before we get into things too far, I want to share a story with you that I recently came across. Julia Dent Grant is one of my new historical friends. She was married to our 18th President, Ulysses S. Grant. What a privilege! When you read about their marriage, you find that she loved her husband and was deeply adored by her husband. She was cherished by her children and she ran a warm and welcoming home. She was also ready on a whim for any chance to travel with her husband. So far, we’re probably all on board … loved my husband? Check. Adored in return? Check Have a home and children we love? Check. Any chance to travel with our hubby? Double-Check! But read on. According to President Grant, his dear Julia had one tragic flaw. According the history books, Julia loved her husband but remained detached and disinterested in his vocation. Whatever men did was messy, complicated and of no concern to her. Her husband’s world made no claim upon her. President Grant once said that he knew his wife well and accepted that she cared for little else (I think ‘ouch’ is the operative word!). So, what should serving our husbands look like? Have you ever noticed that Eve was delivered to Adam right where he worked? I’m no theologian, but the fact that he was hard at work naming the animals right before Eve arrived seems to indicate that being a helpmate extends to his work. That means his field becomes her interest. There is a melding of vision and burden – Adam bears it but Eve supports it. Back to First Lady Julia. Once during a party, she openly confessed that she had no idea what the Constitution said and why the succession of the south was unconstitutional. She couldn’t understand why on earth all of this Constitution business must take up so much time from otherwise perfectly pleasant conversation. This is the SAME Constitution her husband was risking his life for at that very moment. She was checked out from her husband’s life. Early on in my relationship with Dave, I knew that we could do life one of two ways: we could live parallel lives or we could live together. I am not talking separate check books. I am referring to a subtle encroachment in our lives of distractions, indulgences, personal preferences and comforts, lack of desire or fear, everyday things that tempt us “off message”. These can prevent us from embracing and owning our husband's call, vision and burdens. Regardless what it is in our lives - it results in us not meeting our man in the field. Ultimately, in each woman’s life someone’s agenda and calling becomes the priority – it was either his or mine. And only one of us was called to be a helpmate. That meant his ministry needed to become my interest. His life became my life. It wasn’t always easy. When Dave was a singles pastor, he said, “If you could please help with serving the single women that would be a tremendous help to me.” Truthfully, I was thinking, “why don’t you just ask me to replace CJ…anything but that!” Why? It was intimidating for me. I had no idea what I was doing. Frankly, I was scared. But, I needed to own my husbands calling and allow that to influence the contours of my service. Serving the singles ladies was what the church needed and what my husband wanted. Wow, was I blessed! Single women are a treasure to every pastor’s wife. As with every family, pastors and pastors wives need to get to the same place at the same time. If my husband is called to lead a church, great, let’s do it! What do I need to be doing to make sure that responsibilities are maintained with the goal in mind? That’s the question I (and we!) need to constantly be asking in whatever pastoral capacity our husband is called to serve. Let's make every effort to own our husband's calling. When we own his vision, we will serve him with our hearts and our lives.
